Eph.4:11-16 reminds us of one of the key central purposes of the church. The goal of the church is the maturity of disciples. At HBC Calgary our mission is to see lost people saved, saved people matured, matured people multiplied...to the glory of God. As we see from this passage in Ephesians one of the primary ways that men and women are matured is by speaking the truth in love. What does that look like?
If we were to say it another way we could say it involves saying the right thing with the right action and the right motive.
What is Truth?
Pilate when speaking to Jesus asked a question that all people ask at one time or another. What is truth? (John 18:38) If I am to speak the truth in love I first need to determine what is truth. You will hear people say, what is true for you may not be truth for me. They live with the thinking that there is no such thing as absolute truth when it comes to living. I can not disagree more. I believe that there is absolute truth. That truth is found in God's Word. (Ps.119:60, Is.40:8) That truth is found in Jesus Christ (John 14:6). I may not like the things I read in God's Word. It may be convicting, it might make me uncomfortable, but none of that changes the fact that God's Word is true. I can either submit to it or deny it, but I will be judged according to the truth found in His Word. If I am to speak the truth in love, I need to make sure that what I am saying to someone is Biblically supported.
What is love?
Something that is often said at Harvest is that God’s love is not a pampering love, it is a perfecting love (God disciplines those who He loves (Heb.12:6) Love does not say I will give you whatever you want and I will say whatever you want. Parents with children know the importance of not giving their children whatever they want. My youngest would live on bread and candy if we were to let her have whatever she wanted. I'm sure by 18 she would be regretting that her mom and dad had not spoke the truth in love to her and told her that she needed to expand her food tastes. Love says the tough things, the truthful things even when it is unpopular.
Love says I am going to lay aside my desires for someone to like me out of my love for you. Love compels me to say it...even it jeopardizes our relationship. (Prov.14:25) I realize especially in our day that being bold and being truthful is going to be seen as unloving. But what does the Bible say…speak the truth in love. Prov.27:6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Profuse means abundant) A true friend will tell you the hard things with the hope that you will become more like Christ, that you will mature in your walk with Him. Speaking the truth in love doesn’t mean cutting the truth in half. (Zech.8:14-17) We are to speak the truth to one another, the whole truth, anything else is really a lie.
Love will not procrastinate...speak the truth in love now, don't put it off. However, when you do speak, make sure you know all the facts...don’t speak in a vacuum. If you don’t know all the facts, don’t approach the person as if you do. Tell them what your concerns are and allow them to clarify the facts. This should be obvious, but the loving thing is to go to the person not everybody else under the disguise of a prayer request. (gossip!)
Lastly, what should your response be when someone is speaking the truth to you in love. We need to welcome it in humility. (Ps.141:5)
I realize two things going through this topic with you.
This is counter cultural and that this is not easy!
Ask God to give you courage to do the right thing when needing to speak the truth in love and the humility to receive instruction. Don't put off doing the right thing, but do it when you have the time to work things through (not when you need to rush away). Be people of prayer.
Our church needs to embrace the value! It has to be held high. Do you want to be a church that is growing quality disciples? Do you want to be mature in Christ? Do you want each part of the body of Christ operating properly? We need to, we have to, speak the truth in love to one another. (Heb.10:24,25)